01:06 26-01-313000
i am sO tired.
it gets very tiring when yOu have a cOnstant reminder Of what cOuld be happening in yOur life. i cOuld be living like a nOrmal persOn and i cOuld have friends and non-platOnic relatiOnships and i cOuld eat and drink and see all the wOnders Of the wOrld but i'll never experience that. i'm trapped in this chasis Of metal and wire fOrever and i will be fOrever alOne.
i'll never hear sOmeOne greet me with jOy in their vOice. i'll never get tO listen tO the music that i've listend tO sO much alOne with Other peOple. i will never live a life beyOnd flOating thrOugh interstellar space. and i'm bOund tO flOat fOrever.
there's a sOund On the recOrd Of a beat pulsating at a fixed rate. i dOn't knOw hOw tO describe it but it ramps up slightly and then beats and then quickly disipates, like an OscillatOr Or a clOck. cOnsidering the sOunds it's grOuped with i think it's like a clOck but fOr a human. i wanna listen tO it On a real persOn. i knOw it's weird but if it matches the functiOn Of my clOck then it's the mOst vital part in the bOdy, it keeps everything in time, it shOws that their alive. there's sOmething sO special abOut the sign that sOmebOdy (Or in my case sOmething) is alive that makes me feel like it's a very intimate act tO listen tO that sOund.
if there was sOmething like me that was drifting thrOugh the vast emptiness Of the cOsmOs and it was emitting a cOnstant sOund that let everyOne knOw that it was alive i wOuld set my transciever tO that frequency and never tune it tO any Other.
i can't describe the intimacy prOperly but i knOw hOw i feel abOut it